Worthless Marriage

“I won’t do what I’ve seen so many girls do. I won’t waste all my love, all my energy, all my intellect…on some useless man who devotes himself to golf or to selling bonds in the City. When I marry, it will be to someone who’ll really contribute. I mean to humanity, to a better world. Is that such an awful ambition? I don’t come to places like this in search of famous men…I come in search of distinguished ones… But I won’t accept it’s my fate to waste my life on some pleasant, polite, morally worthless man.”

So says Sarah Hemmings, the fiery female lead in Kazuo Ishiguro’s novel, When We Were Orphans. I’m sure this is a question among many unmarried and strong-minded females. My answer is no, it is not such an “awful ambition.” I must say she is not far off; rather it is quite admirable, especially when compared to the ubiquitous image of gold-digging vultures that seems to prevail, lingering in the thoughts of successful unmarried men who have grown wary of “picking the wrong one.”

Well, I’m leery, too. I’ve got a lot to offer and don’t want it wasted on a morally worthless man. None of us should have to accept it’s our fate to squander ourselves on men who are “pleasant, polite, and morally worthless.” The world is filled to the brim with hollow marriages already. Men aren’t the only ones struggling with the vulture factor, either. Successful women have a lot to lose as well, especially now that we are taking more dominant roles in the workplace and at home, and we need to be more cautious (thank lawyers for pre-nups!). Lady Astor is credited for saying, “I married beneath me – all women do.” Why must that be? Of course, I understand her sarcasm here, but still, am I being too idealistic here in thinking it is possible to find someone of equal ambition? Was Sarah Hemmings also? If she was when she made her above declaration, then I echo her enthusiastically. There is nothing wrong with trying to find, or holding out for someone that wishes to better the world in which he/she was born. We should all want to contribute in some manner anyway. A couple joined with that common goal, along with of course, love and all the other romantic sentiments, will be all the stronger and happier when they can genuinely support each other’s aims.

Wanting an ambitious, distinguished partner is completely different than wanting a rich and/or famous one; the latter is just plain gold-digging. It just so happens that sometimes, ambitious and distinguished are linked to rich. We just need to be able to discern for ourselves which of these adjectives is the more attractive one for us, and that will tell us about our true natures.

I can go on debating this topic a lot more, but choose not to get into the nitty-gritty details on a blog. Her statement just seemed an interesting one and I felt like briefly addressing it with people and give them something to think about as well when out there searching. On my part, however, I will stand firm and hold out for the one who will attempt to better the world with me, so that in the meantime, we can enrich each other. But, that’s just me!